When I started my bakery business, I thought being a people-pleaser would be my superpower. Turns out, it was my kryptonite. 

There's a special kind of irony in realizing you've escaped the corporate world only to build yourself an even more demanding prison—one where you're both the warden and the inmate. Where saying yes to everyone means saying no to yourself. Where "living the dream" looks suspiciously like burnout with a side of resentment.

It took me three years—three years of missed vacations, postponed hair appointments, and creative projects perpetually pushed to "next quarter"—to realize that my inability to set boundaries wasn't just hurting me. It was killing the very business I'd sacrificed everything to build.

The Breaking Point

It started innocently enough. "Sure, I can stay open an extra half hour because you can't make it during regular hours." (They show up an hour late.) "Of course I can make each tier of your cake a different flavor." (Which means staying until midnight because it requires completely different batters and frostings.) "Yes, I'd love to host your event!" (Translation: Goodbye, weekend. Goodbye, creative time. Goodbye, life.)

The new year came and I was once again bumping my personal creative projects to the following year. Three years. 1095 days. I had followed my dreams just to work nonstop for everyone else's convenience. I had already given up so much to pursue entrepreneurial life - no vacations, no new clothes, no contacts, no hair cuts, etc. And now I was sacrificing my creativity too? This had to stop.

The Hard Truth No One Tells You 

When you're overworked, you're miserable. When you're miserable, your work suffers. When your work suffers, your business suffers. And suddenly, you're not doing anyone any favors by doing everyone a favor. It's a vicious cycle that ends with you resenting the very dream you worked so hard for. So how did I break it? With a systematic, almost clinical approach to setting boundaries that left no room for my people-pleasing tendencies to sabotage me.

Boundary-Setting That Works When You're a Chronic People-Pleaser

1. Put Everything in Writing (I Mean EVERYTHING)

I added clear policies to my website footer and specific product pages. This wasn't just for customers—it was for ME. When someone asked for accommodations, I could simply copy and paste the policy as my answer, removing the emotional labor of crafting a "nice" rejection each time. For situations I found myself in repeatedly, I wrote default responses I could reference. Think of it as a boundary script library.

2. Create Accountability With a "No" Punch Card

This sounds ridiculous but it works: I have a Google doc titled "Say No Club" where I log each successful boundary. Why? Because seeing tangible proof that I've said no before—and the world didn't end—makes it easier to say no again. I also have an accountability partner who gets it. We both have similar boundary struggles and give each other virtual high-fives when we add a new boundary to the list.

3. Institute a Mandatory Waiting Period

When someone asks me for something in person or over the phone, I feel immediate pressure to say yes. So I created a buffer: "The shop is busy right now—can I call you back in an hour?" (Even when it's not busy.) This gives me time to consider what I actually want to do, not what my people-pleasing autopilot would agree to.

4. Embrace the Power of the Two-Letter Sentence

"No." That's it. That's the sentence. I discovered that the more I explained myself, the more ammunition I gave people to negotiate. They'd pick apart my reasons and try to problem-solve my boundaries away. When I kept my answer short, there was nothing to argue with. They didn't know all my reasons and couldn't make me second-guess myself. It also made me sound more confident, even when inside I was anything but.

5. Train Your Empathy in a New Direction

This was the most surprising shift: After saying no a few times, it actually became easier. Not just because of practice, but because my empathy switched targets. I started thinking, "I can't say yes to this person when I said no to the previous person. I have to say no to be fair." My people-pleasing nature was now working for my boundaries, not against them.

6. A Mindset Shift Can Change Everything

Boundaries don't happen in a vacuum. They require an internal shift. These affirmations became my lifeline: “I don't need to over-explain myself to anyone. It's not my responsibility to take care of others' emotions around me. Feeling guilty after setting a boundary doesn't mean I did something wrong.” I also listened to podcasts from women who talked openly about their boundaries. Once I saw it was okay for them, I gave myself permission for it to be okay for me too.

The Magic of Subtraction

Here's what no one tells you about that vision board you made for the new year: If you want to add something new to your life—like writing a novel or launching a product line—something else has to go. Time doesn't magically expand. Boundaries aren't about saying no for the sake of saying no. They're about saying no to what doesn't serve you so you can say yes to what does.

Four months into my boundary revolution, I'm less stressed and less resentful. I'm not saying yes to custom cake colors where I'll agonize over whether this purple is the right purple or if they meant lavender. Instead, I'm working on projects I actually want to work on—projects that align with the style I've created and the brand I've built.

When you're not running around on everyone else's whim, you carve out time for yourself. Time to work on creative projects (which is the whole reason I started this business). Time to spend with my husband. Time to explore the city and get inspired. Time to have a life. And a business that serves that life, not the other way around.

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What boundaries have you set in your life and business? I would love to hear your experiences in the comments below.